Disclaimer : I put quite a few swearing words in this article, and as I’m not used to insulting in English, it won’t be very diversified, sorry for the inconvenient… I abused CAPS LOCKS too… Bad !
I’ve been an awful guildie these last few day. Rambling a lot. I’m in quite a bad mood at the moment, a little depressed I think. As a consequence, I’m not talking much on guild chat, even on SAN guild chat, reluctant to talk with friends. I log for raid and found out I behind in dps output and that annoys me a lot, and when not in the raid (turn-ups) I feel left aside and jealous. Then I log on AD, check my banker toon, check my disenchanter toon (that business is good, nearly got the money for my dual-spec) and then log my shaman and hit LGD as a healer. And got CRAPPY PUG OMFFFFFG !!!! And end up crying in the boyfriend’s lap that I’m a horrible healer, I’m a crappy shaman, I should hide my hideous face of fake enhancement healer from LFD tool, yadayada…
Just somebody can explain to me why do those pugging tanks feel they have to pull the hole fucking room while their healer is:
1 – oom, to the last drop of mana, and not replenishing very fast seeing she needs TWO bottles of drink of max level available to her to fill up her mana bar,
2 – still in the previous room, looting the corpses after everyone left because no one cared to eat something while she was drinking and she had to top off everyone, and then needing more time to drink…
Two days ago, I have been KICKED from a group because the tank ran ahead while I was oom, pulled the boss AND the remaining mobs patrolling around forgetting that this fucking boss (the last in Scarlet Monastery Cathedral) calls more adds going for the healer first of course and that he forgot to pick up or could not as he was an overcheated lolprotpaly « icantankthewholeroomololol » but could not consecrate without mana, you idiot… We died quickly and I was barely at the graveyard when I noticed I’d been kicked. Stupidly, I felt bad. Very bad.
I made a comment on guild chat, one guildie tried to cheer me up but I was too depressed to get over it and just logged off.
Yesterday, nearly the same thing happened, except that I couldn’t stand more abuse from those 12-year old spoiled kids and I left before beginning to insult everyone in the group. My insulting potential in English is not very good, next time, I shall try insulting them in French, I ‘d feel much better… But I grew really disgusted of pugging my way into dungeons alone.
I’m so fed up with those people thinking they could get free loot with no effort from their part, that the healer is here to keep them from dying in the stupid, that their have nothing to learn. I’m learning, do with it or fuck off (« casse-toi pov’ con » comme dirait l’autre…).
Today, I ran a Uldaman dungeon, and at first I feared it would be the same nightmare as the last 2 dungeons : the bear tank ran ahead, barely waiting for my mana, pulling tons of mobs at the same time and making little Kinie Blue sweat a lot in her brand new mail armour (turned 40 on Monday, seasickness is worst on epic raptors…). Of course, came the moment when he ran ahead not noticing the healer was looting the remaining corpses, pulled the whole room and getting out of sight. I could not keep up with the healing once I ran in, the tank died, the paladin took the mobs and we finished them off. Then I rezzed the druid and he left the group.
I felt bad but the group was very supportive : the paladin tanked all right, not taking too much mobs. We 4 manned most of the instance, and even if we were a bit slow, we finished the dungeon without a single death. People were nice, it ended up being a good time.
I still need a couple of gold to buy the dual-spec on my shaman, it should ease the healing in dungeon, especially the mana management and refilling part. I’d love if Blizzard had made water filling the mana bar with % per second instead of mana per second, because at the moment, I need two bottles of whatever juice to fill my mana bar, meaning one whole minute. One minute is a long time when the tank is running wild ahead…
On another tone, I’m quite behind with my hunter. I mean : my dps is too low. I don’t know if I’m depressed because of that (and other things happening these days) or if my dps is low because I’m depressed… Or if it is low because those fights are very unfriendly for hunters, or because the role I have during those encounters dumps my damage output, if I still need training for the new HM fights or if the lack of hunter loot during those past few months is making out at last.
And for those who may remember, my guild was in crisis a few weeks ago, it is no more. I’m no more an officer either and didn’t choose it. I had a week of holidays, a long talk via msn with my GM, a long talk with Tamarind about that too, and I’m still not happy with it. I feel I’ve been exploited. I feel like I’ve been carrying the guild beside my GM for 3 months when it was hard and now that the problems are solved, the organisation of the staff bettered so the burden of leading a hardcore guild is divided on many people, I got left aside like a used tissue. It’s a very stupid idea actually, because I don’t think it’s true, or that removing me from the staff was meant to hurt me. But it did.
I feel useless in the guild now and that may be the origin of my depression : useless at work (yes my work is very dull at the moment), useless in game. And since I stopped playing with my orchestra (I moved to the other side of the country and couldn’t find any where I live now), I feel useless in private life too. I NEED TO BE NEEDED FFS !!!!!